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Let Freedom Ring
Posted January 20, 2008
I'm quite sure my neighbors were wondering what was going on over here Saturday morning.
I went a little insane. You could tell by my schizophrenic choice of music: Rolling Stones. ZZ Top. George Thorogood. Jane's Addiction. The Doors. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Talking Heads. Pink Floyd. Soundgarden. Stone Temple Pilots. Coldplay. I believe there was something off the Rocky soundtrack as well.
You see, Rick and the G-Man left in the minivan around 8:45 a.m. to spend a long weekend with his parents in Great Falls. Rick doesn't work on Monday and Gus doesn't have school so Rick thought he'd give me the most thoughtful gift in the world: A weekend of Jenn. For you Seinfeld watchers, it was like the Summer of George. I was downright giddy thinking about the pizza I would eat, the hour I would spend in the shower, the chores I wouldn't do, the jammies I would wear (all weekend) and the movies I would watch. I was sad to watch my boys back out of the driveway and the house sure was lonely and quiet, but that only lasted for about 7 minutes before I plugged my iPod into the stereo and let 'er rip. As I thrashed wildly around my living room, I was reminded of my pre-Gus life. I was ALONE! I had the entire house to MYSELF! I could do whatever I wanted to do! I felt like I did as a teenager when my parents left for a night (which was very, very rare), calling my friends and making plans for my night of freedom (Mom and Dad: I never got into trouble and I never got arrested or anything while you were away...there are no witnesses for any of my supposed crimes).
Don't get me wrong here. I love my family. I adore my boys. But come on! I haven't been "free" in several years. I love ME time. I was a loner who loved being alone before I got married. I'd spend long weekends up in the mountains in Colorado all by myself, staying at a rustic inn where you could enjoy the natural hot springs. I loved that time to myself and I never get that anymore. So much of my time (and Rick's time) is spent doting on our beloved boy that there's no time for ourselves. Take right this moment, for example. I'm sitting at the kitchen table typing with one of my favorite Sting CDs blasting in the next room, a cup of tea next to me, slippers on my feet and a nice candle burning that smells like pine trees. This is a vacation in my own home. I don't think I'm a horrible person or a terrible mother for relishing my private time. Moms and dads require this to keep being good parents. I spoke to Rick today and told him that I felt like an iPod who's battery has been drained and I'm recharging. I worked yesterday at the office and then met my friend Holly for drinks afterward. I hadn't seen the woman since she and her husband and their son Brayden went trick-or-treating with Guster, Rick and me. It was fantastic to be out and be a girl instead of a mom for a few hours. Is that so wrong? I don't think so. I still love my son with my whole heart. I still adore my husband. I just needed to recharge.
But now it's Sunday night and I'm missing my family. I'm glad they're coming home tomorrow because I need a hug.
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Posted by wyatt1sc (m montepara) on January 23, 2008 at 9:22 a.m. (Suggest removal)
While the boys were packing for their trip, did you also pack for your Guilt-trip? I end up with a steamer trunk as my personal "luggage".
C'mon, when I get time alone, I feel guilty about doing whatever it is I want, or in my case DON'T want to do. Rather than getting to that pool filter needing this spring's change of sand, or building a new storage unit outdoors for the accumulating piles of ??? that turn up around here, I spend time playing with my cats, or playing that video game I've had for four years and haven't opened the cellophane yet, or tackling those projects I never get time to do when the FAM is around and say I'm taking away from their time. Y'know, like cleaning out the dresser drawer you've been sticking the past three years' receipts and what-not into, so you actually have a drawer you can use again? In my case, it's refilling it with the NEXT three years' receipts.
And my choices of music coincide with yours ( Floyd, Eagles, Journey) but others I like, well my gang feels it's too head-banger and rap-ish. Groups like Depeche Mode, Saliva, Grace Jones, Goldfrapp. Needless to say my collection remains hidden in my truck!
Alone time is crucial to getting reacquainted with yourself. Sometimes your identity gets lost with being a parent, a partner, a steady paycheck, a support system and a responsible citizen. You tend to forget how you like to play, to jump on the bed without having to re-make it, how your interests still interest you.
But the guilt returns when the car returns.... The wife says "whatcha been doing all this time? " and I meekishly reply "nada" so I don't look like I've been downloading porn from cyberspace, or dancing around like Tom Cruise in Risky Business ( when in actuality I have, to the beat of Hells Bells by AC/DC).
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a overloaded closet shelf calling me .....
Posted by DaddyO (Daddy O) on January 23, 2008 at 12:39 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Way to go Jenn! Everybody needs to let their "freak-flag"
fly every once in a while. Nothing wrong with a little alone time. Makes the reunions all the sweeter.