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Letter to my toast topping

Posted May 14, 2008

Dearest Peanut Butter,

I tried to deny my love for you, I really did. During the late-90s lowfat diet craze, and then again when I was a long-distance runner and too much dietary fat was taboo...I tried to hide our secret affair. I was ashamed - embarassed even - of the fact that I could've spooned you from the Peter Pan jar. I tried in vain to resist, but you are too much! Crunchy, salted, raw, organic, creamy, honey-roasted, or with that nasty jelly swirled in...I've tried to hate you and I just cannot do it.

So now I feel that I must affirm - no, shout from the rooftops! - my undying affection for you.

You make a wonderful sandwich companion with any number of items, not the least of which are bananas, apple slices, or marshmallow fluff. Ahh, the fluffernutter sandwich! Remember those days, by the college swimming pool, when you sustained me through hours when children wouldn't stop running or wouldn't stop peeing in the pool? Without you, I would've been lost, I tell you - lost! And you are the best thing to mix into my random protein powder smoothies - oh, and peanut butter and banana milkshakes. GAHHHHHHHH how wonderful is that? With berries and yogurt or as an ice cream topping, you are divine, my dearest.

Why it was you and your friend Starbucks who singlehandedly got me through my entire freshman year of college...without you, I would still be lifeguarding and would never have made it to graduation - or even through that symbiotics class that fell squarely at lunchtime during junior year. Bless you!

In truth, Peanut Butter, I cannot quite express your multi-faceted beauty. Sure, I've been seen with or dallied on occasion with your fresh ground cousins (cashew, pecan, almond) but they mean nothing to me...nothing! You are my one and only, peanut butter. You are full of monounsaturated goodness, protein, vitamins, and yumminess. I will steal spoonfuls of you until my dentures get stuck together and my doctor chides me for my cholesterol levels being too high.

Sincerely,

Becky

p.s. See you at dinner time! I got busy and forgot to thaw the chicken!