Christmas at our house this year will be quiet. The celebration of the birth of the Christ child will be real but the secular Christmas observances, including decorating, cards, gift buying, baking and gatherings will all be reduced.

Unlike many people whom I admire, I don’t get cranked up for Christmas until after Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday and I am unwilling to sacrifice it to the secular Christmas.

After Thanksgiving I was ready to go, but the Sunday after that holiday my Ed went to the hospital for a four-day stay. The cause was dehydration and a slight infection from something. Now, almost four weeks later, he still isn’t thriving, as they say, and I can’t leave him alone.

Nevertheless, I was trying to work out things and to soldier on. The porch decorations were up, the tree in the library was up and decorated, the stair garland was in place. Our usual Christmas card picture was scheduled for the Sunday my Ed got sick, so that was requiring some re-thinking.

Then on the second Sunday in December, our grandson, Ben, 18, strong and healthy, bright, died an accidental death at Clemson where he was a first-semester freshman.

There was not much soldiering on after that.

We put the nativity display on its accustomed front hall table. The other boxes of decorations went back in the attic. Parties were canceled. We are doing something about cards. I won’t make my usual five cakes for Christmas: caramel; coconut; chocolate; Japanese fruitcake; lemon cheese. We have been given a couple of fruitcakes and they will fill the space well.

Many friends called, visited, sent cards, or brought food and flowers to our house and many, many, many more to our daughter’s house in Greenville. We were grateful for this. The visitors always asked if they could do anything and my answer was that they had just done it by letting us know they cared.

When a family experiences the death of a beloved friend or relative at a holiday, that holiday forever has a sadness. For us, even though this time of great sadness is with us, we still celebrate the birth of the Holy Child and we hope your Christmas will be good.

Ben’s cremains were placed beside our late son, Bart, in the small cemetery near our house. Ed and I went to the memorial service in Greenville. I stood with our daughter, Gaye, and her husband, Joel, in the receiving line for awhile, as Ed waited in the car.

We came home. My Ed was tired and got in his chair. The house was quiet.

Then we turned on the Christmas lights.

Juanita Garrison, of Denver Downs Farm, writes about gardening regularly for the Anderson Independent-Mail.