Just about everything is ticking me off these days.

I’m completely tired of this whole heat wave thing that seems to go on every day in the South. I hate getting the air conditioning bill that comes when I need someplace to sit after being in the heat wave. And I’m really tired of sweating my, um, nose off every time I decide I want to go somewhere to do anything.

This whole annoyance thing got me thinking about the things I can do and things I like to do when the weather outside is hotter than a witch’s toe in the Sahara.

Oh, and I am done with the awkward jokes of old grade-school sayings. Seriously, no more.

Now, while I love watching television and generally sitting on my duff doing absolutely nothing, there comes a time when even I get fidgety watching reruns of “Top Chef” and seeing what’s new on the Web site FunnyorDie.com.

But there are a few rules I live by when trying to find something fun to do with or without friends and family tagging along. Follow these rules, and you will have as much fun as I do each and every heat wave.

Slllliiiip … Slip and Slide: OK, to be completely honest, this one is not mine. I have never gone down a real Slip ‘n’ Slide and don’t really have the desire. What we did was use an old tarp and a hose running down a hill. My wife has been hoping we will buy a Slip ‘n Slide, and I balk at it every time. But, with the heat the way it has been, I’m about to buckle under the evaporation of my own body’s moisture.

Floating around the lake: The fact is, the drought has been good for one thing: opening up more beach-like areas around the lakes. I love getting to these out-of-the-way spots, putting my bottom on an inflatable float and lazing about the cool, cool water. Just remember to use sunblock, and don’t stay out for too long.

Grill and a cooler … two bits: Some people would say that grilling during a heat wave is stupid, silly and downright ridiculous. To them, I say, “You’re right.” But I love grilling, and if you put a cooler with lots of beer and lots of ice right beside you, you can cool down at a moment’s notice. Plus, if you get thick enough steaks, you can roll inside and make that pasta salad and cool down a bit.

Crashing the neighbor’s pool: Whether it’s the pool at a subdivision, at a hotel or even at someone’s house, getting into a pool can be the difference between a good summer and a great summer. In my old neighborhood, we would wait until they left for vacation or a family dinner and jump the fence. Just be aware of the kind of dog they have and whether there is a doggie door or not. Things could get weird if you don’t do some research. (Note: If going to a subdivision spot, try to make friends with someone who lives there and drop their name.)

These are just a few tips to making summer a bit more bearable. Well, at least it will be bearable for me. And if you get caught with that last one, who knows? Maybe I will be writing about you next week.