By the time you read this, I will have returned from a trip to the place every 10-year-old longs to be and where every adult wishes, at some point in their life, they could go: Hawaii.

Through sheer force of will and generous sponsorship gifts, my wife and I were able to plan a year or so in advance to attend her cousin’s wedding in Lahaina, Hawaii. This coastal town (aren’t they all) is on the island of Maui and we found a way to attend their big day by collecting aluminum cans, saving all the change we could muster and the generosity of family.

And, for the first time since our honeymoon four years ago, the lady and I have jumped on a plane and taken off for places we have never been to before.

But before we were able to do leave, we went through the most stressful time of our lives leading up to the big departure.

For whatever reason, you tend to work harder before leaving on vacation. Whether it’s at work in the week before leaving or getting the house ready for you to not live in it for a week, I did more leading up to the trip than I ever would have done hanging around here.

First, I had to get my dog taken care of. Of course, I waited until the last minute to plan some kind of boarding for the puppy and had to call in favors from our favorite dog-sitting spot on the planet, Cindy and Renee at the Snuggle Inn. By the sheer grace of the gods, Cindy managed to wrangle Nashira into a spot there and our pup was able to run and play and swim and all manner of doggy delights.

After that, it was time to clean the house. Since friends of ours were willing to watch our house and water our plants, the least we could do was make sure there weren’t chip bags and random soda pop cans lying around. So, I cleaned the house more for being gone than I ever have when actually living inside the place. (Even the bathrooms and the dreaded garage.)

But if you have someone come to water your plants, it’s a good idea to help them find them. This job fell to Stella and she tackled it with the same fervor she does for just about everything else. She drew out a map and told how much to water and where each plant was and what each plant’s name was. It’s kinda like an Indiana Jones adventure for plant survival. What magical treasure would come out next?

Then, we went through the brimstone of packing. Easily the least favorite of trip-taking duties, packing is akin to pulling one’s eyebrows out hair by hair. How much do you take? What will we be doing there? What is too formal? What is too casual? What is the temperature going to be like? All these things and more made up a four-hour marathon of packing and prep.

But then the final leg came. All that was left was to write this column and share it with you. Then I was off to beauty of the islands — possibly forever.

So, if you don’t hear from me after this, don’t fret. I probably just built myself a tiki hut and plan on living the rest of my days in a tropical paradise.

That is, until the first volcano erupts. I don’t do well with lava.