For the past few months, I’ve thought my fiancé is crazy (oh, by the way, I’m engaged now). During her sleep, she will get out of bed and walk around the room, rearranging things on dressers and nightstands. More commonly, she will carry on loud conversations by herself.

Once, she woke me up because she needed to tell me what to get at the grocery store the next day. She recited an entire list and then told me that if I didn’t get everything on it she would give me “what’s for.” It was at this point that I realized her eyes were completely closed and she was asleep.

For months I thought the only answer for her would be a young priest and an old priest. I prepared myself for a spinning head and even lined the room with plastic for the inevitable projectile vomit. However, just like most of my problems in life, I found the solution online.

I knew she used the sleep aid Ambien, but I never knew about the drug’s odd side effects. I found several articles relating to the drug’s side effects and soon realized my fiancé was not possessed but battling Ambien’s side effects.

Reading these stories made me realize that I have it very easy in comparison to some other poor, Ambien-riddled souls out there. The following link will direct you to Ambien testimonials, and some stories of sleepwalking and driving under the influence of Ambien will shock you.

One poster named “peggy” recalls being told by her family that she woke up one night at 4 a.m. to make a midnight snack containing ranch dressing, milk, butter, mayonnaise, and shreds of ham and cheese. After smearing this concoction all over her countertops, she went into her garage and poured soda into the cup holders of two recliners belonging to her husband.

I no longer have the fear of my fiancé’s unexplained sleepwalking and late night non sequiturs, but I write this to warn all of you about the dangers of Ambien. I also write this to warn you about the dangers of eating casseroles made of butter, mayonnaise, and ranch dressing, or as I like to call it, the “Orson Welles Special.”

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/youropinions.php?opinionid=8725

I love my fiancé. As the great philosopher Tom Cruise once said, she completes me. That said, you’ll understand my alarm when I learned a person can have a “work spouse.” A work spouse is someone that acts as a stand-in for your real spouse. This person goes on lunch breaks with you, knows how you like your coffee and acts as a confidant. There is no sexual relationship — that would be called cheating.

I’m a monogamous guy and would prefer having one spouse, but apparently people have no choice but to have a work spouse. There is always that person at work you gravitate toward, whether you work in an office building or at a sewage treatment plant.

For more information, follow the link below, but I’ll go ahead and tell you who my work spouse is. His name is Dave. He is very loyal and a very good listener. He knows just how I like my coffee and we have a favorite song together: “Summer Breeze” by Seals and Crofts.

I bought him a copy of the original vinyl of “Summer Breeze” a few weeks back. He thought it was a weird gesture. I wonder what he’ll think of this.

http://www.careerbuilder.com/Article/CB-996-The-Workplace-7-Signs-You-Have-a-Work-Spouse/

URBAN DICTIONARY WORD OF THE DAY

Work Spouse (n.) – Dave.