Reading, texting and sleeping keep students busy during college classes

A couple of months ago I wrote about my return to college, thirty-some years after the first go-round.

Already I’ve learned so much. I can explain how the central nervous system works, and Karl Marx’s theory of socialism. If you ask nicely, I’ll tell you what a spurious correlation is.

None of this has anything to do with my future profession. But, hey, isn’t that what college is all about? A lot of high-priced, useless information? (Kidding! Just kidding!)

Of course that’s not all college is about. It’s also an education in socialization. University students, out on their own for the first time, learn how to conduct themselves in the world, how to interact with others as young adults. They learn valuable coping skills.

Such as sleeping in class.

Yep, sorry to say, classroom lectures are still as boring as they were back in the Dark Ages. The only difference is that 21st century students have all kinds of electronic toys to keep them entertained while the professor drones on.

Several of my fellow students flip open their laptops as soon as their backsides hit the chair. All through class they check Facebook, instant message, Google “hangover cures.” One afternoon the young man sitting next to me played solitaire on his computer the whole hour and a half.

Another one reads sci-fi paperbacks during class, not even bothering to hide the book. Once in a while he’ll look up and tune in to what the professor is saying. One day that happened right as the prof was returning to his topic after a lengthy tangent.

“What was my point?” he asked.

Mr. Paperback piped up: “Maybe you didn’t have one.”

As you might expect, there’s a whole lot of texting going on during class, too. Some students hold the phone in their laps, a small nod toward propriety. Others are like Mr. Paperback: They don’t care if the professor sees what they’re doing.

Last week one of the texters decided to take a nap during a lull in her conversation. She put her head down on top of her desk — which, I must duly report, was in the first row, dead center, directly in front of the professor, about two feet away from him.

He lectured on, as she snoozed.

To be fair, this is a required course, and many of the students probably aren’t interested in the subject. They’re only there because they have to be. And when it’s time to go, they shoot out of there like stampeding buffalo.

Twenty minutes before class is supposed to end, a rustling starts at the back of the room and moves forward like a wave. I call it the ready-to-leave phenomenon. They shuffle their papers and pack up their books. Chairs scrape the floor as they’re pushed back from desks. The herd is impatient.

By that time, the professor is almost shouting above the din. Eventually he gives up; he has no choice. The students are mostly out the door anyway.

Class dismissed.

Jeanne Malmgren can be reached at malmgrenjeanne@yahoo.com.